Wow I am truly dizzy and my vision is distorted right now.
I came back from Wisconsin in January and I was crazy depressed..sadly to say, practically suicidal. I just wanted to fall asleep for awhile and get away from the world.
Then I decided to change my life. I decided to hand it over to God, get involved with the Saddleback Choir, take care of myself, plan on traveling a few places that I've always wanted to go.
I really wanted the Australia thing but I guess it wasn't meant to happen. I also decided that I needed to give myself some time to heal.. get rid of the left over pieces of pain..and promised myself that I would focus on the plan for my life instead of trying to seek out a boyfriend. I decided that if God wanted that for me, he would eventually make it happen. For the first time in years I wasn't even looking for a man in my life.
Once I changed my perspective and handed my life over to God it was like he handed me things I never expected would appear in my life.
Ironically, one of these things is a new man. (Even though I said I didn't want one!!!) Yes, I call him a man because he gives me something that no man has ever been able to completely give me.
Time. He always wants to spend time with me.
He brought me tea when I had laryngitis..on the night I was rejected from the Australia trip.
He brought me a vase of orange roses on our second date.
He woke up super early to prepare a dinner that was cooking in a pot roast while we were at work all day. That same night he asked me to be his girlfriend.
He dedicated a song to me on my lunch break as we sat in my VW eating flame broiler.
He didn't even try to make a move on me too fast like so many guys have. This showed me he wants so much more of me than something physical..and he has morals.
We went to see an African childrens' choir sing together and danced in the crowd.
He went to see me sing twice in one weekend in the Saddleback choir.
He showed up at my door step last Friday night without telling me.. to help me pack for my big move! He just called me from my front door and asked me to let him in.
That same night he took a piece of paper out of his pocket and read some romantic Spanish words that he learned from some friends at Billabong (he works in QC with a lot of spanish speaking people). I melted.
His roommate is his best friend...and when we went out for Fish tacos we all said "grace" in a public place before we ate.
I didn't expect any of this..and honestly right now I can say that I am not used to this either.
We'll see where it goes.. but right now.. my head is spinning.. and I have that beginning warm fuzzy feeling inside my heart. It is kinda fluttering. And who knew I could feel this?
When I sat in my living room in January crying hysterically from the pain of losing someone who meant the world to me.. I felt hopeless.
But now I have someone's hand to hold in the line at the grocery store.
Someone who wants to give me a kiss good-bye in public.
More importantly I have someone who told me that if he could give me one kiss hello everyday then his day would be worth it.
Someone whose eyes welcome me when I walk into the room..and light up when we talk.
Someone who calls me "Babe."
Someone I can laugh with.
I feel like I can be happy again.