Thursday, September 20, 2012

My Life As A Cupcake

I cannot believe how much life has changed in the past 4 months.  I would say in the past year.. but it has completely evolved just in 4 months!

I'm finally just happy with being Amanda ♥.  And I can say that 110% right now, with no denial.  Some good advice I received a few months ago was that I need to find happiness within me..before I could invite anyone new into my life.  It's true.

I am living in a new two story home, on my own. But I want to fill it with people, love..and well, obviously (duh) cupcakes & glitter.  I call it the Cupcake Mansion.

I kept wandering and wishing for a place I could call my home.  And this lady who calls herself my fairy godmother came along and granted this wish for me (of course after a lot of hard work on my end..and more hard work to come to make this place come alive).

So one step at a time. I have just polished myself up, I feel new, and I think I feel like my inner sparkle might be glowing again. (I'm not it?!)

  Now I have found my home, and I truly have become whole now that I have found my inner superhero-Amanda Cupcake ♥.

I am welcoming my next wish. And I'll reveal that when it comes true.

But for of my new home.  Pre-glitterized (there is so much Amandanization to do to this place)!

My log cabin-esque office ♥ (needs a little bit of be-dazzling!)
My dream kitchen ♥ 9 racks of convection ovens!
A view for my workspace.♥ And a gigantic Hobart mixer.
My classroom where I will teach people how to glitterize their cupcakes ♥
I even have a mini "fort" upstairs. I can't wait to deck this place out. (anyone who knows me knows that I am a big kid!)
I ♥ my personal kitchen's ceiling.
♥ the vintage print on the shiny glossy floors in my upstairs apartment.  My toenail polish matches nicely.
There's even a Statue Of Liberty outside my house!
The outside of the house
Lots of natural light and tiffany blue walls
Some of the first cupcakes I made here ♥ Tree Cupcakes!
I'm happy here.  And I could quite possibly grow old here. Even if my goal is to have a few other cupcake estates in a few more locations :) This is a really really special place.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

2 Years Ago, I Left California for Wisconsin♥

I moved back to Wisconsin from California exactly 2 years ago today and I had no idea where my life was headed, I was ready to re-invent myself. 

If I would have looked through a glass ball and gazed at where I am now, I never would have believed it.

But I would never change a thing. I have more true, genuine peace & joy in my heart than I've ever had before. I love the people in my life, and the people I continue to meet.

I'm single and for once I am okay with being that.  This leaves room for the right guy instead of "Mister Right Now".  I am honestly excited that the opportunity of falling madly in love with someone new and wonderful and *healthy* for me in my future still lies before me. (Because that's the only kind of man I'll let in from this day forward). ♥

I may not be rich financially (yet..).. but I am rich with love from my family, and the friends I have met. Especially in the last year.

I'm about to move into a 2 story farmhouse. Just me! In the middle of the country. Shiny new bamboo floors not walked upon by my bare feet yet.  Two kitchens, sparkly breakfast at tiffany blue walls, and a hand-painted mural on the wall!  I'm about to share this place with people who want to eat my cupcake creations.  I'm ecstatic, proud, and scared to death! ♥ Story here.

(source of this art: betterforthechange)

So many people have their "backup". You know-the husband, the boyfriend, the second job perhaps?   I've got complete faith as my back-up.   Just like I had complete faith when I moved back home a few years ago.

I just think it's funny that two years ago I was making a huge leap, I was blinded by my next step.

Now I'm here again. ♥ I am so excited to meet my next two years. Not just my next two years of cupcakes..but the next two years of *my life*.

This is my vision of it all♥ It'd be great if it really happens this way:

I think I might try my best to paint my bedroom this way ♥
 when i believe this, he will find me and never let go♥
but I can't lie, seeing this laying on my couch would be a dream. (especially if it really were James Franco)!
dinner parties at my home with friends ☻
somehow i want this to be me! sharing my cupcakes with ellen degeneres and nicki minaj. (I dream big).
Lucille Ball is my role model ♥
an amanda cupcake mobile ♥
(art by brian theis of madison, wi)
I will go on vacation♥
 I'll stay true to this woman♥
(the authentic me).
♥ this was a fortune I got a few months ago at a restaurant called Chef Chu's.  Sweet. 

Sunday, April 8, 2012

I'm afraid sometimes you'll play lonely games too...♥

I am officially a woman.♥You know how I know?
Months ago, I used to look at life through childrens' eyes. 
And I still do..always will..I have a great imagination.
But something happened to me to up the womanliness factor.

I was sitting in my car, alone a few weeks ago. (and I am alone a lot).
I was looking out the window, people watching.
I saw two people walk past my car, they were holding hands.
Trailing shortly behind them were two children.

I felt a twinge of jealousy, sadness, and joy all at the same time.
Joy for the couple..yay for them that they were holding hands right in front of their beautiful children! ♥

..My sadness was that I don't have any of that, and I am 32 years old.
I'll be 33 in June!

Sadness that almost everyone else in my life has at least someone.
Whether it is a child they can unconditionally love, a husband, a significant other, or an entire family.  They have someone to spend holidays with (I spent my Easter alone)..even if it is crazy running all over town trying to meet with all their friends and family.

I suddenly realized that for the first time in my adult life,  I seriously want my own family.  Yes, I joke that I am married to my cupcakes.  And that I am going to change my real last name to Cupcake.  I love my cupcakes.

I am yearning for a warm body waiting for me at home at the end of a hard day.  Someone who tells me I am beautiful when I wake up in the morning, or comes up behind me with their arms around my body while I'm baking in the kitchen.  Someone who takes my breath away, but also comforts me and makes me feel safe to fall..completely..and madly.  Someone who I can make a beautiful life with someday.. a life that will look like a mini combination of both of us.  My best friend.

I deserve this life.  A life where I can bake my cupcakes and create wonderful delicious  masterpieces for people.. but also a life filled with love.

Perhaps I am lonely because I spend a lot of alone time in the kitchen.
Or because it's one of the most challenging times in my life (as a new business owner, watching my mom fighting Parkinson's, etc).  Maybe if I didn't need so much comfort right now I wouldn't feel this way.

But this life..for's got to be out there. Other people have it.
I see it everyday. ♥ Where do I fit in all of this?

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Have You Ever Thrown a Fist Full of Glitter In The Air?

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Closed your eyes and trusted..just trusted.

Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?

Have you ever looked fear in the face, and said "I just don't care?"

It's only half past the point of no return

The tip of the iceberg
The sun before the burn
The thunder before the lightning
The breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone... 
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone..

Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?

Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of oblivion

The hourglass on the table
The walk before the run
The breath before the kiss
And the fear before the flames

Have you ever felt this way?

There you are, sitting in the garden....
Clutching my coffee,
Calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight?
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself will it ever get better than tonight?