Friday, February 4, 2011

Sometimes you just need to escape for awhile......

I remember when I interviewed for a designer position with a pretty successful company. (Not that long ago).
I was stung by the woman who interviewed me.

She lectured that to even be considered talented enough to be a designer, I needed to show my passion for it.  I needed to stay up all night sewing up, thinking of, and creating new designs.  Even if they were on my off hours.  One of her last statements to me was that she didn't really see how I was a creative person at all, and she didn't believe that I was a true designer. I had nothing to show her.
I hoped that I might be able to take something from this later on in life.
After all, everything happened for a reason, right?

I left the interview standing strong, but I don't remember the walk to my car.
I guess I had turned the keys in my car at some point, because I was driving now.
And just like in all the wonderfully dramatic movies you would ever imagine, I turned the steering wheel, crying behind my heart shaped sunglasses.

What she said was sort of true.  What wasn't fair is that I once was a creative person, but at this time in my life, I was drained of every ounce of inspiration. 

I had put all my energy into my 9-6 job while juggling a million other dramas that popped up uncontrollably. 

I wanted a life where I didn't have to I could just have my freedom to create whatever I wanted..all day long. 

......Or travel to exotic places, and pet wild elephants, pose in distant blogs with beautiful leopards..or even spend the day holding babies in orphanages who needed love to grow.

It's been awhile since the interview where I was turned down, and a lot has happened since then.
It has just so happened that my family & I have all been ill in some serious way at different times throughout the the past year which forced me to move from California to Wisconsin (where my family lives).

My life pleaded for silence. The past seven years of my life had been fun in a lot of ways, and at the same time chaotic.  I needed to slow down, heal, and clear my mind. 

Moving to Wisconsin has been a huge challenge for me.  I miss California, my friends on the West Coast, the fresh sushi, the frozen yogurt bars on every corner. The *warm* weather. The glamorous palm trees. The *independence.*  But the things that are coming back to me here are priceless.

I get to sleep in. I remember when I worked 9-6 and I always wished that I could snuggle under my blankets and go back to sleep.  This sleep is so healing for me.

My parents sing a lot with me around. They sing and they dance. I don't know if they did this without me here, but when they sing & dance, I know that they are happy.

I get to see my four year old niece and my almost two year old nephew in person.. a lot more.
I babysit. I hide under tents of blankets and cuddle with my niece Gaia. We dance in her living room even when there is no music.  Our imagination is the music.  It kills me softly because she hugs me and tells me she loves me every single time I see her.

I've met some really interesting people (I always try to everywhere I go).

I've even met this girl through her amazing blog, while researching cupcake recipes because her blog name just so happens to be:  Sparkles and Crumbs.  The name is pretty ironic, considering my love for cupcakes, and because people always joke that if they find a sparkle on their skin some where, Amanda has been "here." ;) It is the essence of her blog that inspires me.  They say that you stumble upon certain people at the moment that you need them for a reason.  I needed her blog.   Her blog is so happy, joyful, free..and bizarre as it is almost perfectly defines the genuine *me* that I had lost in the chaos.

I found Sparkles and Crumbs one of the first days I had moved back to Wisconsin.

Going through each passage lights up a sparkler somewhere in me..maybe my spirit, maybe my mind.. probably both.

It's been about 5 months since I moved back to Wisconsin.

For the first time in about four years, my creativity is vibrant and alive again.

Amanda Cupcake (my cupcake business) is about to launch as an LLC. I am going to give it a month or so until I go through all the steps.  I am going to rent a commercial kitchen and start as a cupcake catering business. Weddings, parties, events..yes!
I have also discovered my love for teaching my cupcake skillz to the toddlers..the kids..the tweens and the teens.  I learn something from them, and they learn something from me. 
I know that when I open up my bakery, I want it to be an interactive place, where people can take cupcake baking/decorating classes.  I want to throw themed cupcake parties for any special occasion. 
I pray that Amanda Cupcake will bloom into a beautiful and successful bakery someday, no matter what the location is.

Amanda Couture-This is where the very bluntly honest interview helped me.  I have always been a designer in my own mind. But terrified of the sewing machine.  Why? I am not sure.  I just figured something out.  The sewing machine is just a way of stitching things together.  (You would think I would know that since I worked in the fashion industry for the past 7 years of my life!)  So, I am happy to say that I conquered my fear of the sewing machine and just created some fun and new "altered couture" designs for my friends and family.  I even purchased a Barbie so I can start designing Barbie clothes.  Right now the designs are for fun.. but if I ever want a job as a designer, I actually have "something to show." And now I am staying up all hours of the night, sewing my heart out, and making my concepts come to life. Honestly, the fear of the sewing machine is something I never thought I could conquer. Even in fashion design school my sewing teacher used to laugh at me because I was so terrified of it. Not anymore.

Amanda Couture legwarmers created from a sweater
added eyelet ruffles & sequin trim to make it fun for my four year old niece!
I now have so many ideas filtering through my mind that I even see them in my sleep, and am impatient to get to them all!

Lesson learned this far:

To any of you
who are afraid of making a change..
stepping into the unknown..
That is a scary place.
But I can tell you..
That everything happens for a reason..
And gradually, the little lights on your path will start to light up. ♥