I made a crazy decision.
Well other people think it's crazy.
I just think it's sensible.
I decided to go carless in Orange County, California.
There are a lot of things I want to do with my life.
Right now I am kind of just waiting to see how I can get there.
I need some time to think (see my previous blog).
But to EVER do what I want to do with my life..I need to be free of debt.
I am sick of having nice things but not being able to go anywhere.
I never get to go on spontaneous vacations, indulge in a random pair of designer shoes because I deserve it.
The main reason is that I am in debt-from this situation I got myself into--I lived in a $1400 apartment in the heart of beautiful Costa Mesa. I was making a $330 car payment plus paying $1300 a year for car insurance.
Not to mention paying utilities and other bills.
Because of this, I racked up quite a bit of debt.
To make up for this I am now making a sacrifice.
I am living by myself yes.. but now since I turned in my little V-Dub Beetle convertible (which some people think is funny that this was my dream car. I actually cried when I returned it and gave it a big hug this past Saturday)....
I have decided to save about $450 a month or more and use that money to pay off my debt in about a year.
Now going carless certainly affects the ego.
I never knew how much it would.
Especially in Orange County where most people look at their car as part of their skin.
When I tell people I am going carless, most of the time they respond in the same way. They ask me when I am getting a car and how in the world do I plan on getting anywhere?!?!
Well, I have done a lot of nice things for other people.
Now I am going to hope and pray that the universe will return a little nice-ness to me because this sacrifice is for the greater good of my life and God's will for me here on the earth.
Because I am doing this I could become a millionaire someday :)
Or I'd be happy just being financially sound.
So now I am relying on other people to pick me up and give me rides.
Yes I will pay them for gas. And if they drive me around a lot of places often, I will also pay them for wear and tear.
I don't know if I will do this for the entire year that I am trying to get out of debt. But so far this is my plan.
I am already starting to go a little crazy-but mostly it's just my ego getting in the way.
I figure I'll just take this a step at a time. I'm saving my wallet, my debt, and helping the environment. Sweet.
And in the end..I'll be able to do just about anything that life calls me to do if I am free of this burden.
Look at me like I'm crazy..yeah..
but in about a year from now I will be 31--and if I want to buy that pair of indulgent designer shoes I will be able to and yep, I'll deserve it!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Wake up Call (hold on, I'm on my hamburger phone!)
So here I am at my new place in Newport Beach, California!
I love it here.
I have a place that I can finally call my home.
I haven't had that in over a year now.
In fact to celebrate (and make my apartment smell good), I baked chocolate chip cookies in my new kitchen yesterday.
I just had to remind myself never to eat that much cookie dough again. I made my tummy a little sick!
With this anchor I finally have under my feet, I have prayed and prayed about making a certain decision that I announced I was doing, but deep inside I didn't feel quite ready for yet.
And I have decided that this year, I am not going to travel to Thailand on a missions trip.
Not because I don't want to.
Not because I am not meant to.
Believe me, my biggest dream is to travel the world.
The reason I am not going to Thailand is because I see how crazy my life has been for so long.
I am honestly exhausted from all the pressure I have put on myself.
I've been jumping from thing to thing, thinking that because my life changed so drastically within the past year that obviously I must be destined to do something amazing.
When what my spirit, heart and mind needs at this moment in my life is a rest.
Kind of like what my body needs to do when I am sick.
I need this chance to heal and clarify things. This past year was so life changing that I became a different person.
Before this past year, I was carefree, pretty selfish, into my own thing. I did everything for me. I acted like I was invincible.
That's what I was used to. I was independent and thought I could be a success on my own.
But honestly, my plans aren't always the best. God let me put my hand in the cookie jar for a long time..
but because he cared about my success in his plans.. he took the cookie jar away from me.
So after this year..minus the cookie jar... I have reunited with the authentic me again. But this time it is the authentic girl meeting a woman.
I'd rather stay at home and watch a movie or have an interesting conversation with a friend instead of go out dancing or share the room with a huge crowd of half drunk strangers.
Friday nights I am always exhausted from work. I love to put on my pajamas, throw myself on the blankets and close my eyes. That is Heaven.
Instead of driving my pretty little convertible I want a simple, inexpensive car that will get me from point A to point B.
I want to pay off my debts so that when I am healed and ready to make the next step, I will be free.
I want to follow this "tender heart" my mom always told me I've had.
This is a gift from God that I haven't used enough. But now I yearn to use it.
My heart is back. It was always here but I blocked it for a long time.
A certain someone who proposed to me in the sand woke up my heart again-even if it ended up hurting later.
It was worth it.
I've established a relationship with God again. He's always been a big part of my life, but it seems the past six years I've put him at the bottom of my list.
Now this year I want to spend my time asking him what he wants for me. Instead of me asking me what I should do.
I've stopped drinking alcohol pretty much completely except for rare social occasions.
I wear my heart on my sleeve and try not to listen to all the cynics when it comes to love. I'd rather listen to my heart - and if I get hurt along the way.. well.. I guess I just lived a little more than I did before.
I've pondered over going to culinary school so I can learn the science of baking/food and of course to sharpen my decorating skills.
But I know for sure I am going to start my cupcake biz on the down low-for weddings, events, friends, etc.
I've really found a passion for food-and not just junk food either.
This past year-as stressful as it was-was also very nutritionally and physically successful for me.
I really have a passion for health food - especially for finding or turning junk food into health food. I think I might have something there.
I just never knew that food would be the avenue I'd best express my artistic talents in!
I hate negative anything-It actually burns my ears..or my heart..or spirit. Or all of the above.
I can't listen to screaming rock and roll music or degrading rap music.
I used to be able to block that stuff out, but now if it plays in the background I have to walk away from it.
I think this has something to do with my fresh raw tender heart.
Life doesn't have to be this crazy whirlwind of changes in order to be a success.
It is hard for me to just sit here because usually I am the kind that says - you want something - you go out and make it happen.
But right now a little voice in my heart is telling me...
Sometimes the best "plans" aren't planned at all.
I love it here.
I have a place that I can finally call my home.
I haven't had that in over a year now.
In fact to celebrate (and make my apartment smell good), I baked chocolate chip cookies in my new kitchen yesterday.
I just had to remind myself never to eat that much cookie dough again. I made my tummy a little sick!
With this anchor I finally have under my feet, I have prayed and prayed about making a certain decision that I announced I was doing, but deep inside I didn't feel quite ready for yet.
And I have decided that this year, I am not going to travel to Thailand on a missions trip.
Not because I don't want to.
Not because I am not meant to.
Believe me, my biggest dream is to travel the world.
The reason I am not going to Thailand is because I see how crazy my life has been for so long.
I am honestly exhausted from all the pressure I have put on myself.
I've been jumping from thing to thing, thinking that because my life changed so drastically within the past year that obviously I must be destined to do something amazing.
When what my spirit, heart and mind needs at this moment in my life is a rest.
Kind of like what my body needs to do when I am sick.
I need this chance to heal and clarify things. This past year was so life changing that I became a different person.
Before this past year, I was carefree, pretty selfish, into my own thing. I did everything for me. I acted like I was invincible.
That's what I was used to. I was independent and thought I could be a success on my own.
But honestly, my plans aren't always the best. God let me put my hand in the cookie jar for a long time..
but because he cared about my success in his plans.. he took the cookie jar away from me.
So after this year..minus the cookie jar... I have reunited with the authentic me again. But this time it is the authentic girl meeting a woman.
I'd rather stay at home and watch a movie or have an interesting conversation with a friend instead of go out dancing or share the room with a huge crowd of half drunk strangers.
Friday nights I am always exhausted from work. I love to put on my pajamas, throw myself on the blankets and close my eyes. That is Heaven.
Instead of driving my pretty little convertible I want a simple, inexpensive car that will get me from point A to point B.
I want to pay off my debts so that when I am healed and ready to make the next step, I will be free.
I want to follow this "tender heart" my mom always told me I've had.
This is a gift from God that I haven't used enough. But now I yearn to use it.
My heart is back. It was always here but I blocked it for a long time.
A certain someone who proposed to me in the sand woke up my heart again-even if it ended up hurting later.
It was worth it.
I've established a relationship with God again. He's always been a big part of my life, but it seems the past six years I've put him at the bottom of my list.
Now this year I want to spend my time asking him what he wants for me. Instead of me asking me what I should do.
I've stopped drinking alcohol pretty much completely except for rare social occasions.
I wear my heart on my sleeve and try not to listen to all the cynics when it comes to love. I'd rather listen to my heart - and if I get hurt along the way.. well.. I guess I just lived a little more than I did before.
I've pondered over going to culinary school so I can learn the science of baking/food and of course to sharpen my decorating skills.
But I know for sure I am going to start my cupcake biz on the down low-for weddings, events, friends, etc.
I've really found a passion for food-and not just junk food either.
This past year-as stressful as it was-was also very nutritionally and physically successful for me.
I really have a passion for health food - especially for finding or turning junk food into health food. I think I might have something there.
I just never knew that food would be the avenue I'd best express my artistic talents in!
I hate negative anything-It actually burns my ears..or my heart..or spirit. Or all of the above.
I can't listen to screaming rock and roll music or degrading rap music.
I used to be able to block that stuff out, but now if it plays in the background I have to walk away from it.
I think this has something to do with my fresh raw tender heart.
Life doesn't have to be this crazy whirlwind of changes in order to be a success.
It is hard for me to just sit here because usually I am the kind that says - you want something - you go out and make it happen.
But right now a little voice in my heart is telling me...
Sometimes the best "plans" aren't planned at all.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Thirty Flirty and Thriving!!!!
On June 12th 2009 I turned 30.
I feel a bittersweet twinge of sentiment when I reflect on the past decade-especially knowing that my twenties are behind me and I will never see them again. If someone heard me saying this out loud it would certainly not be in a somber tone.
My twenties were for exploring, growing up, making mistakes and repairing myself from them, experiencing things for the first time, being raw and vulnerable, taking chances, celebrating that I overcame my awkward and mortifying high school years.
Now that I am standing on the edge of my thirties I know more of what I want--even if my plans don't work out how I expected them to. I've learned that God has a plan for me and my way isn't always the best. I still plan on making mistakes because Lord knows I don't know everything and I never will. Mistakes seem to be the best thing that can happen to me. I have grown a little bit taller through each mistake I have made.
I remember being a teenager and my art teacher used my art as an example to the entire class.
She said,
"Amanda has her own style. She starts drawing and doesn't even worry about her mistakes. Instead she works with them and changes what would be an imperfection into something beautiful."
My high school art teacher read me pretty well. I look back on that now and see how much my painting and writing style applies to my life.
I've never been one to look back and regret anything or hate a "mistake" I made.
I am not really even someone who worries all that much because I know that in the end if I make the best of the present situation, it will all work out in some magical way.
(Even if I do cry a lot when something bad happens.. I let it out all out and move on).
So where did time go? I am now a thirty year old woman with a new decade to look forward to. A flawed, imperfect unsure thirty year old woman. Sometimes I still feel like a vulnerable infant when I stand in front of this incomprehensible world before me. At the same time I am really excited to see what this brand new decade brings as I climb uphill.
The Highlights of my Twenties:
..Lost somewhere out here in cyberspace now!
**Falling in Love for the first time.
**My brother's marriage to Courtney.
**The birth of my niece Gaia (who is now 2 1/2) and my new baby nephew Griffin just born last month.
**Getting the opportunity to give my grandpa Carl a hug and a kiss good-bye before he left this earth.
**My parents. Just for being the support that they are and always will be.
**Discovering my passion for cupcakes and displaying my love for art on cupcakes.
**Reuniting with so many of my friends from the past because the world is such a small place. Now they have become friends again to me in my present.
**Living in several amazing places in one decade:
Waupaca-my hometown
Chicago-Short and not so sweet
Green Bay-Really sentimental memories there.
Los Angeles-I've never made a better decision than to move there. It changed my whole life and allowed me to free my true spirit.
Orange County: Working for Billabong, surrounded by opportunity, staring at the beautiful ocean, feeling the grains of sand between my toes
**Discovering Sushi. I don't know what I'd do without it now that I know how yummy it is!
**Traveling to Paris, Germany, Amsterdam, Iceland, Milan, Hong Kong
**Discovering personal trainers and fitness. I was the biggest clutz in my high school years. Now I can do pullups, pushups, squats galore, yoga, pilates, and would love to be considered an "athlete." This was probably one of my best decisions ever as well.
**The third year IMPD program at FIDM. I created a line of denim to sell at Wal-Mart and presented it to VF Corporation. I totally jumped out of my comfort zone to try for this opportunity..and I made it into the top 12!
**Finding and Sharing Love with all different people. I have found that I have a really generous sharing heart. I've shared this with other people and because of that I have established many interesting and fun relationships with friends from all over the world.
**Meeting Jack Nicholson when I first moved to Los Angeles. Face to face. Just me and him in the room. He was wearing his classic sunglasses, and he flashed his famous smile at me to say "Hello." To me, this was a sign I was doing the right thing.
**Living in Burbank, CA. Probably one of the most fun moments ever in my life.
**Walking down the runway as a fashion/hair model. Check that one off my list.
**I am so glad I learned how to enjoy my alone time. I used to never like being alone but now I treasure that small amount of time just as much as I treasure time with friends or loved ones.
**Becoming strong enough to know that it is ok to stand up for myself. I had a really hard time with this as a teenager and in my early twenties. Now I finally have a grip on it.
**Embracing my beauty-even if it isn't perfect. I will take what God gave me and embrace it. The best part..is praying for the inner beauty to shine on the outside.
This does happen.
**Meeting Ben Elgersma at my 10 year high school reunion. I never talked to him in high school. I was so glad I got the chance to know him for a little while after our reunion because he passed away in January of 2008 unexpectedly.
It really taught me the importance of paying attention to the person sitting next to you-because they could just be a treasure worth taking the time to know.
**Discovering Saddleback Church. I think this place will honestly help me set the foundation for my thirties-traveling to Thailand, singing in the choir, meeting amazing inspirational people who genuinely care for others.
**My Red VW Beetle Convertible. I am getting rid of it this August.. but I always dreamed of having this car and for the past 3 years I made it happen!
**Meeting my current boyfriend Dan. I had promised myself that I was not going to have a boyfriend for a good year because of my broken off engagement.
Then Dan came along and he taught me that things don't always go as expected.
I now know that it is possible to experience new love and it is ok to let myself be vulnerable. Even if I am still trying to heal a little bit from my past.
I could go on forever. But these are just some of the highlights of my twenties.
It's been amazing and I can't wait to see what my thirties will bring!
Some photos from my 30th bday celebration:
I feel a bittersweet twinge of sentiment when I reflect on the past decade-especially knowing that my twenties are behind me and I will never see them again. If someone heard me saying this out loud it would certainly not be in a somber tone.
My twenties were for exploring, growing up, making mistakes and repairing myself from them, experiencing things for the first time, being raw and vulnerable, taking chances, celebrating that I overcame my awkward and mortifying high school years.
Now that I am standing on the edge of my thirties I know more of what I want--even if my plans don't work out how I expected them to. I've learned that God has a plan for me and my way isn't always the best. I still plan on making mistakes because Lord knows I don't know everything and I never will. Mistakes seem to be the best thing that can happen to me. I have grown a little bit taller through each mistake I have made.
I remember being a teenager and my art teacher used my art as an example to the entire class.
She said,
"Amanda has her own style. She starts drawing and doesn't even worry about her mistakes. Instead she works with them and changes what would be an imperfection into something beautiful."
My high school art teacher read me pretty well. I look back on that now and see how much my painting and writing style applies to my life.
I've never been one to look back and regret anything or hate a "mistake" I made.
I am not really even someone who worries all that much because I know that in the end if I make the best of the present situation, it will all work out in some magical way.
(Even if I do cry a lot when something bad happens.. I let it out all out and move on).
So where did time go? I am now a thirty year old woman with a new decade to look forward to. A flawed, imperfect unsure thirty year old woman. Sometimes I still feel like a vulnerable infant when I stand in front of this incomprehensible world before me. At the same time I am really excited to see what this brand new decade brings as I climb uphill.
The Highlights of my Twenties:
..Lost somewhere out here in cyberspace now!
**Falling in Love for the first time.
**My brother's marriage to Courtney.
**The birth of my niece Gaia (who is now 2 1/2) and my new baby nephew Griffin just born last month.
**Getting the opportunity to give my grandpa Carl a hug and a kiss good-bye before he left this earth.
**My parents. Just for being the support that they are and always will be.
**Discovering my passion for cupcakes and displaying my love for art on cupcakes.
**Reuniting with so many of my friends from the past because the world is such a small place. Now they have become friends again to me in my present.
**Living in several amazing places in one decade:
Waupaca-my hometown
Chicago-Short and not so sweet
Green Bay-Really sentimental memories there.
Los Angeles-I've never made a better decision than to move there. It changed my whole life and allowed me to free my true spirit.
Orange County: Working for Billabong, surrounded by opportunity, staring at the beautiful ocean, feeling the grains of sand between my toes
**Discovering Sushi. I don't know what I'd do without it now that I know how yummy it is!
**Traveling to Paris, Germany, Amsterdam, Iceland, Milan, Hong Kong
**Discovering personal trainers and fitness. I was the biggest clutz in my high school years. Now I can do pullups, pushups, squats galore, yoga, pilates, and would love to be considered an "athlete." This was probably one of my best decisions ever as well.
**The third year IMPD program at FIDM. I created a line of denim to sell at Wal-Mart and presented it to VF Corporation. I totally jumped out of my comfort zone to try for this opportunity..and I made it into the top 12!
**Finding and Sharing Love with all different people. I have found that I have a really generous sharing heart. I've shared this with other people and because of that I have established many interesting and fun relationships with friends from all over the world.
**Meeting Jack Nicholson when I first moved to Los Angeles. Face to face. Just me and him in the room. He was wearing his classic sunglasses, and he flashed his famous smile at me to say "Hello." To me, this was a sign I was doing the right thing.
**Living in Burbank, CA. Probably one of the most fun moments ever in my life.
**Walking down the runway as a fashion/hair model. Check that one off my list.
**I am so glad I learned how to enjoy my alone time. I used to never like being alone but now I treasure that small amount of time just as much as I treasure time with friends or loved ones.
**Becoming strong enough to know that it is ok to stand up for myself. I had a really hard time with this as a teenager and in my early twenties. Now I finally have a grip on it.
**Embracing my beauty-even if it isn't perfect. I will take what God gave me and embrace it. The best part..is praying for the inner beauty to shine on the outside.
This does happen.
**Meeting Ben Elgersma at my 10 year high school reunion. I never talked to him in high school. I was so glad I got the chance to know him for a little while after our reunion because he passed away in January of 2008 unexpectedly.
It really taught me the importance of paying attention to the person sitting next to you-because they could just be a treasure worth taking the time to know.
**Discovering Saddleback Church. I think this place will honestly help me set the foundation for my thirties-traveling to Thailand, singing in the choir, meeting amazing inspirational people who genuinely care for others.
**My Red VW Beetle Convertible. I am getting rid of it this August.. but I always dreamed of having this car and for the past 3 years I made it happen!
**Meeting my current boyfriend Dan. I had promised myself that I was not going to have a boyfriend for a good year because of my broken off engagement.
Then Dan came along and he taught me that things don't always go as expected.
I now know that it is possible to experience new love and it is ok to let myself be vulnerable. Even if I am still trying to heal a little bit from my past.
I could go on forever. But these are just some of the highlights of my twenties.
It's been amazing and I can't wait to see what my thirties will bring!
Some photos from my 30th bday celebration:
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